old gifts... new song

I think that this year has brought me closer into understanding Advent than any year previous. I wonder if that's partly because I've had to 'do' Christmas that much earlier this year. Even before the 1st December I'd been to an Advent service and Christmas meal, and a carol service (the joys of the Cambridge short terms)!I think I'll write a little more about the character that I've been focussed most on after I've preached about her on the 23rd (someone remind me I've said this!).

But I have discovered something else this last week. I had 2 conversations, with 2 completely different people on 2 different days, but both prompted me to remember that I am, singer and performer, and a passionate one at that. A while back I feared, and I guess accepted that my music was likely to be put on the back burner as I pursued my ministry in other areas, but having had these conversations, I knew that I had to do something about the fact that I so sorely miss this part of who I am. Having thought on this, I had the dreaded realisation that no longer did I want to sing other people's songs, not that I don't love them or respect them, but rather that they are already sung, and it was a new song that I needed to sing.

So...with a great deal of nervous prayer, yet sure of the Spirit's motivation in me, I sat down to write. I have never had a great deal of confidence in my songwriting abilities - mainly as all previous attempts have been...well...crap! However, I think now there is something different, and although I recognise that I am no songsmith, and this is hardly out of the ordinary, this is mine, and...well...I'll let you be the judges!

1. Take me to Your heart, and let me see what is within

Show me what it is to live Your love

Walk me through the dreams You have for this world and the next

Let me see who we were made to be

Chorus:

Show me love, show me grace

That I might be Your prophet in this place

Take my hand, let me walk with You

Lead me, Father, use me, Lord

2. Take me to the place, where Your heart was sacrificed

Show me what it meant to give Your child

Walk me down the path He walked, the path of my salvation

Let me see perfection's life in me

3. Take me to the people that call out with life's despair

Show me what it is to call them friend

Walk me down their streets and give a humble heart, O Lord

Let me see Your Kingdom come through me

Bridge:

Help me offer Heaven's door

Let me offer Heaven's open door

Ruth Horton © 2007

Gb,

R x

Learning to love liturgy...!

There are some things in life that you know you will dislike forever, and no matter how many times you try them out you still dislike them...like mushrooms for example. Set liturgy is not one of those things. I thought it was, I thought I would never like the parroting of creeds and prayers on a regular basis, and being the charismatic that I believed myself to be, thought that there were better ways to engage in liturgical practices (remembering here that liturgy means 'of the people' - I fear that it's a misused and therefore misunderstood word much of the time). Having been, for me, well and truly steeped in set liturgy for the past 7 weeks, I'm starting to come to terms...no...that would do a disservice, I'm starting to understand the sense of repeated text seeping into your soul. Taize music has aways worked on this concept, a short repeated simple truth that can work it's way into your soul, with each repetition, the truth having new, deeper meaning.

I think one of Martyn Atkins' most favourite stories (I'm only judging this on the amount of times I heard it over my 3 years at Cliff - sorry Martyn!) was that of Terry Waite's return to the UK after his captivity. He was asked by reporters what means did he use to survive his time, and the answer came, unsurprisingly unreported, that his survival was due to the Daily Office (Anglican daily prayer) that he knew by heart.

When truths are so deeply infused into our being they become our language. As with Charles Wesley; he was so saturated in the Bible that the scriptures poured out onto the page and became the language he used to write. I don't intend to become completely sold out to set liturgy, but I think a healthy love for it is fine for now. ;)

Gb,
R x

Inherited Church vs. Inherited Faith

I'm on attachment (not as painful as it sounds...merely a long term placement) with the lovely and wonderful Maggi Dawn at Robinson College for the whole of this academic year, and its making me think a great deal. Not only because you can't not when you're around Maggi...but also because I'm simply being challenged by the completely different culture, both in terms of the church/chapel culture, and also the social culture that surrounds it being within a university college.

This morning in chapel communion, we celebrated that it was All Saints. It struck me that Saints are not something we really 'do' in the Methodist tradition, ironic as we seem to love our anniversaries! Maggi spoke of the history of our faith that we have inherited through such people as those recognised through canonisation, those whose Christian life and service made such an impact on humanity that they are worthy of remembrance. It certainly seems that we inherit a great history (though some of it, admittedly rather shameful when we consider the Crusades) of faith.

This in turn struck a chord of a recent conversation I had with a friend about what 'emerging church' was, part of her answer being related to 'inherited church', and a wish to break free from that. So the question that crept into and wriggled around in my head this morning was... can we, and if so, how do we separate inherited church and inherited faith?

Disposing of the inherited church parts of our religion, although not easy, seems to have its realistic possibility; however, how can we dispose of the tradition of faith, which surely goes to make up the Christian religion. Is the emerging church trying to remove all traces of the imposed 'cultic' elements of Christianity? Maybe, and most likely, I need to read more about the emerging church. But I wonder what the elements are that are considered to be vital; who decides? Does history mean nothing?

Defining 'emerging church' is, I believe by its own admission, somewhat of a paradox, and one which is as changeable as the author of it. But what of the saints; the moulders, sustainers, movers and shakers of our faith: To what extent should this inheritance be elemental in what we are as Christians?

Gb,
R x

A promise is a promise!

Well, I did promise that I would blog once I was settled into Cambridge life, and that I am now...so...how is it? I hear you all ask!

Before arriving I swore I would never become the owner of a bicycle. Before I arrived I thought I would find myself in the pub most nights. Before I arrived I thought that Cambridge couldn't be that intimidating a place. Before I arrived I felt that I might be slightly different from other people...before I arrived...!

I now have a lovely purple bike for which I intend on buying a basket, preferably wicker. I've been to the pub a total of 4 times in 3 weeks (although my slightly concerned parents might be glad at this statistic, those who know me from other institutions might gather that this has a sense of slight concern!). I have never felt so daunted by the intelligence of other people before and that I might not have anything to offer a conversation, or that I might make a faux pas at any turn. I am now part of such a varied community that difference in any manner is normal.

The point of these observations? God sending me here was no accident. I thought I would be academically challenged, but never thought that I would find every fibre of my being tweaked and tested as I anticipate it will be here. Already, I have been faced with a worship style that is so undeniably contrasting to everything I have previously known. I have come to deal with the loneliness of my work here, that I sit at my desk most days, barely speaking to another soul, except the daily call from mum, and my neighbour popping in to fill me in about something or other. I thought, before I came that I could probably just get on with leading a church. I have enough common sense, enough experience, enough passion to do it. Now, I know that God sending me here for 3 more years will be just enough time for me to be broken and remade yet again. For isn't this exactly what the Father wants for us? To be broken and remade day after day. To realise that we didn't get through yesterday without Him, what makes us think we can get through today? To know that today, we will make a hash of things, but through the sacrifice of Christ we can start again tomorrow.

As much as I love Cambridge, and Wesley House, I know that the next three years are going to be a challenge for me. For those who are close to me, and anyone else who's feeling generous, please keep me in you prayers, and come visit sometime!

As for research - it's all going pretty interestingly at the moment. That's for next time though!

Gb,
R x

I know I know...I'm terrible! I'll blog fully when I'm installed at Cambridge! I promise!!

R xx

Shouldn't we be singing psalms?

It's about time I wrote more about my research rather than just general musings!

So, the Psalms. Three important things to note about the Psalms: (if you disagree, please let me know...these are things I've taken a little for granted, but are backed up with some reading!)

1. The Psalms are musical by nature. They are not simply unstructured emotional splurges onto a page, but rather carefully crafted compositions of everything from the most ecstatic joy, to the deepest grief.

2. The Psalms are as much corporate as they are individual.

3. Biblical Psalms were written as models rather than prescriptive dictations for liturgy.

With these three in mind, it's interesting how we treat the use of the Psalms in contemporary worship. From my experience, the Psalms are generally used no differently to the rest of scripture in our corporate acts of worship. On an odd occasion, they are used as a call to worship, on a rare occasion, they are used responsively (as in the back of the Methodist Hymns and Psalms book), or for the lucky few psalms, have made it as hymns and therefore incorporated that way.

Even in the New Testament we're commended to sing psalms to each other, let alone the extensive practices of this in the Old Testament! So...should we sing these psalms? Should we write our own? Or can we simply treat them just as part of scripture. Is our treatment of the Psalms biblical??

Gb,
R x

Writing writing writing...

The problem with long term research, is that sometimes I want to write about something else for a change! You're head gets so stuck in academic writing that, sometimes you just want to write about nothing, or something...just not, how the Old Testament treats the use of singing!

So, what shall I write about...I think I shall write about friendships. I consider my friendships unusual, when I try and compare them to everyone else's that is. But maybe, just maybe, I have misjudged what friendships are all about. I always assumed that your best friend was someone who would drop everything for you, the person who would always choose you over somebody or something else. That's what I used to think anyway, I guess because it never happened to me.

So I wonder, what does friendship mean to me? I have no 'best' friend, but I am blessed to have a heck of a lot of people that I care deeply about, and I'm pretty sure care deeply about me. I have old friends (I mean in terms of longevity, rather than age!), I have close friends (those who who know me better than sometimes I would like), and I have the one or two friends who I know I can tell anything to, without fear of judgment or that they 'may get the wrong impression of me'.

I guess I always thought that time spent with others rather than me, meant that they cared less for me. It's a horribly selfish thought really, I guess I've always just wanted to be at the centre of someone's attention, and yeah...I'll beat myself up for admitting that, but, one of those wonderful friends (I'm pretty sure you'll know who you are) taught me recently, friendship is like love...we don't have a quota for the day and when it's used up it's used up. So, my dear friends who read here, please don't ever think that if I haven't called you, or text you, or otherwise, that I care any less for you. Or if I cut you off (and yes...Moo I do mean you here!) because I have to go do something else it's because I want to get away from you. I am a fierce defender of my friends and friendships, and I pray that is something that will never change.

I wonder if the disciples ever felt like this? I mean, Jesus...the guy...the main man...everyone wants to be His best buddy, surely? He spends more time with some of the disciples, maybe He loves them more. He takes Peter off on his own to chat with him, He has to be the favourite, surely? I think I identify with Thomas. I think that maybe, Thomas felt like it was always the other guys who Jesus was closer to. I think that when Thomas doubts that Jesus is alive, it is more a case of, 'it's not fair...how come they got to see Him and I didn't?' And so stubbornness kicks in, 'I want to see it for myself.' I think that Thomas maybe wanted something of Jesus to hold to himself, something that was precious to just Him and Jesus. But the nature of Jesus...being God and all...doesn't chastise Thomas for that, but the God of intimacy, the God who wants each and every member of this human race to have a one-to-one relationship with Him, reaches out His hands to Thomas and says...'see, feel and believe'.

I thank God that He is the God of the personal and not the impersonal; the God of hand-holding, not safety reins; the God who understands our jealousies and speaks to them.

Gb
R x

I don't want to start again...

As I near the end of my time at Cliff, my mind wanders off to one of my favourite films...Shawshank Redemption. I am reminded of the cons talking out on the yard about Brooks, an aged prisoner, being released after 50 years inside.

Red:These walls are funny. First you hate 'em, then you get used to 'em. Enough time passes, you get so you depend on them. That's institutionalized.
Heywood: Shit. I could never get like that.
Prisoner: Oh yeah? Say that when you been here as long as Brooks has.
Red: Goddamn right. They send you here for life, and that's exactly what they take. The part that counts, anyway.

Now, don't get me wrong, I am not trying to imply that Cliff College has been in anyway like a prison to me, in fact, in my Christian walk, it has encouraged me into the greatest freedom. But I do fear that I am an institutionalized creature. In some ways, I don't want to lose all that I have gained from here, my passion, my learning and so on. In other ways, I worry that I will compare Cambridge to here.

Really, my greatest fear is what this all means. I have spent 3 years becoming a part of the furniture here, just as I spent 3 years trying to do that in my first degree at Huddersfield, over 3 years in teaching, and yet again, I must start again. New life, new part of the country (living so far south terrifies me...I don't want to lose my accent!!!), new friends, new course. I worry how I will fit in. I worry, will I find the strong friendships I have done here, will I keep in touch with those here, will they keep in touch with me?! I worry, will I be a token singleton. I worry, have I listened correctly to God...is this really what He wants?

So I fall on the the words of Jesus...always a good place to fall.

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matt 6:33-4

I know my destination, even if the way is a little uncertain. I'll just keep following my Shepherd.

Gb
R x

2 months have passed....
Sorry! It's been a manic time with only a little research getting done, but at least I'm feeling a little more on the way with it all!

Part of my extra busyness has been due to a last minute call to go and do a workshop for the Heart of Worship Conference organsied by the Methodist Church in Llandudno last weekend. Wonderful thinks I...until I realise that it's the morning after a best friend's hen party in Liverpool! So my story is probably more about that than the conference and what a blessed time that was!

This friend is an old housemate from a time when I would drink and party a fair bit! She is not by any means a shy girl, and neither are many of her other friends. So...the party games ensued. This first of which was to tie a pink balloon round our wrists with a warning...do not remove! Sat down after a late afternoon meal, one of the Hen's balloons is popped...revealing it's contents....a dare, which she promptly completed. So...one by one we pop our balloons and do the dare...or solemnly swear to do later that night. The dares get more and more daring...some verging on the obscene, so I begin to pray! Please God..help! I don't want to compromise my Christian witness by either doing something inappropriate, or by refusing to join in and be a party pooper! Ruth! I hear their cry....it's your turn! I duly sit on my balloon and pull out the dare. I read and laugh..."Sing the chorus to 'I will survive'." Well...my gratitude and praises must have been heard right across heaven!

See...God doesn't call us to be nowhere near the grimy and sometimes slimy world...He calls us right into it, but at the same time, He calls us to not be a part of it...and clearly He rescues those who call on His name! What a faithful God have I?! Fantastic!

R x

Singing Communities

So...having given my research seminar last Friday the latest statement i would like to propose is...every Christian community should congregationally sing. This doesn't mean therefore that every time Christians meet together they should sing, but rather that every Christian should be part of a community that has congregational singing as a key part of its worship time.

Not going to go and give away all my research, but this is what I'm hoping to argue! Let me know what you think!

Gb,
R xx

To sing or not to sing...Is that the question?

Thanks guys for all your comments, i've been reading and thinking a great deal about this whole masculinity thing, and many male friends have come to the same conclusion as me, that it is a sociological issue! As we associate worship with emotion, and men (on the whole...please forgive the stereotype in order to make my sweeping statement!) do not like to air their emotions in public!

So, where does that leave singing? I know many a seriously blokey bloke who find music and singing an entirely integral part of their worship, and have little or no issue, yet there are some who cannot entertain the thought! My apologies if this sounds like i am having a go men...i really am not, but what is the issue? That singing is seen as feminine and emotional, or that you really just don't like to sing?! Would you sing on the terraces?? What makes it any different to singing in church? I'd say that footie chants are as fervently emotional as worship songs may be. Is it because you can't be heard on the terraces? A group of people will learn a new song more quickly in a loud environment where the individual voice can't be heard and therefore mistakes are less embarrassing, rather than in a small group where mistakes are easily identified??? Does this mean that all worship music should be loud!?!!?

Changing tack a little, I'm hoping to base much of my work on a theology of music in worship on a very biblical foundation by Kleinig drawn from Chronicles, but i'll blog a little more in a while about that!

If anyone knows of any emerging communities who have developed a reasoned theology for their own use of congregational singing in worship i'd love to hear, as so far i've come across little substantial reasoning as to why singing has been thrown out apart from..."because we didn't like it".

Hmm...that turned into a minor rant! Sorry folks...will try and be a little more positive next time! And..ladies...what do you think about singing in worship?? Don't let this all be about blokes! lol!

Gb,
R x

All change!

Has it really been that long?! For those who check my blog when they're bored (I cannot think of another earthly reason for reading it otherwise!) I apologise for a month of nothing new! But...here it is...all new!

So, my research has kinda shifted direction a little. I decided that there was already plenty of people who had looked into the purposes of music, and why it has been so important to worship. So...having had this debate a couple of times in the pub, and realising that it was a viable tangent to vere off on, i've decided to move to look at music in the emerging church...ie...Is music necessary in worship?

So, i'd love any comments, observations or similar on this topic! Many emerging church contexts have abandoned the use, in particular, of congregational singing, the use of hymns or 'worship songs' is highly limited, as both the practice of singing and the use of this genre specific music is 'culturally irrelevant'. But, as history has shown, and Methodist hymnody has coined...'God's people have always been singing.' So are we missing out on something key by not singing in worship?

Have a think and let me know!

R x